If you walk out of every partner meeting feeling great, you have a problem.
Most fractional executives I work with are excellent relationship builders. They show up to breakfast meetings, they connect with the right people, they follow up. They leave feeling like things are moving forward.
And then nothing happens.
No referrals. No introductions. No revenue.
Here’s what I’ve learned after 20+ years of building referral-based revenue systems: the feeling of a great meeting is often the enemy of an honest one. We leave energized because we talked well, laughed a lot, and covered familiar ground. But we didn’t dig into the places where something is stuck — and that’s exactly where the real opportunity lives.
The Advice That Changes How I Run Every Relationship Conversation
I give this guidance to almost every client I work with, and it’s the one that creates the most discomfort and the most results:
Never leave a meeting feeling good.
What I mean by that is this: before you wrap up any partner or client meeting, make it your practice to ask at least one uncomfortable question. Look for the friction. Look for the thing you’re missing. Look for the reason they haven’t sent you a referral yet, even if on the surface everything seems fine.
Most of us avoid this because it feels like we’re inviting criticism or risking the warmth of the relationship. But the opposite is true. When you’re willing to ask where you’re falling short, you signal that you take the partnership seriously — and you give the other person permission to be honest in a way that most people never are.
What ‘Digging for Friction’ Actually Looks Like
This isn’t about being negative or manufacturing problems. It’s about asking questions that get below the surface.
Here are a few that work well in partner meetings:
“Where do you feel like we still haven’t figured out how to work together effectively?”
“When you think about introducing me to someone, what hesitation comes up for you?”
“What would make it easier for you to refer me with full confidence?”
“If you were coaching me on how to position myself differently, what would you say?”
Most partners won’t volunteer this information unprompted. But when you ask directly — and when you actually listen without defending yourself — you’ll learn more in 10 minutes than you’ve gathered in months of pleasant meetings.
The Real Reason Your Best Partners Aren’t Sending You Referrals
Here’s a pattern I see constantly with fractional executives who have been in their markets for decades: they have strong relationships with people who genuinely respect them. But those partners are well-established, not hungry. They’re maintaining, not expanding.
A partner who isn’t actively building new relationships can’t send you referrals they don’t have. It’s not about your credibility — it’s about their current activity level.
When you start digging for friction instead of leaving meetings feeling good, you’ll start to notice who in your network is actively growing and who is comfortably coasting. That information is gold. It tells you where to invest your relationship energy and where to redirect it.
A Simple Practice to Try in Your Next 30 Days
At the end of every partner meeting or client conversation for the next 30 days, commit to asking one question you’ve been avoiding.
It might be: “Is there anything about how I’m describing my work that makes it harder to refer me?” Or: “If you were going to introduce me to someone today, what would you say?” Or simply: “Where do you think I’m leaving opportunity on the table?”
Then take notes. Not on what you said, but on what they said. Especially the part that stings a little.
Those are the parts that, when addressed, will change your results.
This Is What Trust Lab Was Built For
The Trust Lab: Builder Edition is a 12-week program designed for professionals who are ready to stop managing relationships and start activating them. We go deep on partner strategy, referral architecture, and the conversations most people avoid having.
The next cohort opens in March 2026. If you want to be among the first to know when enrollment opens, reply to this post or reach out directly.
Breandan Filbert is Managing Partner of SalezWorks and the creator of Trust Lab, a referral-based revenue system for fractional executives and professional services firms.
